Angel Wings and All Love

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I was sitting in a chair in my first All Love workshop and at the same time I was having the experience of nursing as a baby. My eyes were closed and my hands were curling into relaxed fists and then uncurling in an untimed rhythm. My mouth was rounded, tongue working, and I was making suckling noises. There was a part of me  aware that I was a grown woman sitting in this chair, a part of me amazed at what was occurring, but mostly I was in the experience of nursing, of being that little baby girl, intent on her feeding.

In the next moment I bent over coughing, huge coughs that vibrated my whole body. Old stuck energy was releasing out of me. Things that had been kept hidden, buried, vibrating up and out with each cough. I was bent over, chest to my knees, and I felt hands on my back but I barely registered them as the intensity of the coughing took me.

And then I was crying, old pain and grief pouring out of me. I crawled onto the floor sobbing as loving hands offered me tissue and support. I no longer knew or cared where I was, I was fully in the release. The emotion was strong, loud, and angry and yet there was a love that moved with it, that supported and held me as I emptied. It flowed effortlessly through me, up and out, free.

The crying lasted longer than the coughing but when it found its completion the peace came. The deepest peace I had ever experienced at that point in my life bubbled through me. Aliveing and awakening me and I could no longer lay on the floor. As I got up smiling, eyes bright and shiny, I looked around silently thanking my helpers. I was compelled to go kneel on a chair, grasping the back as I pushed up extending my chest forward, and I could feel my angel wings spreading out behind me. I sang, not words but long airy angel pitched “ah’s.” I felt the weighted comfort of my wings on my back and I was unburdened, joyful and free.

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